“There is human time and there is wild time. The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, questing and resting, creating and incubating, being of the world and returning to the soul-place. Once we lived by these cycles and seasons year after year, and they lived in us. They calmed us, danced us, shook us, reassured us, made us learn creaturally. They were part of our soul-skins – a pelt that enveloped us and the wild and natural world – at least until we were told that there were really only four seasons to a year, and that women themselves really only had three seasons – girlhood, adulthood, and old womanhood. And that was supposed to be that. But we cannot allow ourselves to sleepwalk wrapped in this flimsy and unobservant fabrication, for it causes women to deviate from their natural and soulful cycles and therefore to suffer from dryness, tiredness, and homesickness. It is far better for us to return to our own unique and soulful cycles regularly, all of them, any of them.” –Clarissa Pinkola Estés – Women who Run with the Wolves
I’ve waited for this day, for this moment, my entire life. I woke up this morning and knew that I’d be alone by 9am until 3pm and I absolutely promised myself that I’d spend the entire time writing and reading. My day could be different. I could clean my house, I could visit a friend or talk on the phone. I could treat myself to a movie or go and spend money that I really don’t have. I could have been too lazy to go out to the garage and find the one book that has given me instructions on how to care for my woman psyche. I could have basically tossed out my day, getting no creative work done. But I’ve decided that I can’t live like this anymore. Writing reflections about the world around me is a NEED of mine. It is hard to do during my teaching year. But now, during my summer, I am wide open to put my thoughts down and believe that if I do this all summer, I will be a happier woman for it. These alone hours belong to La Loba.
She has something to say and she is damn tired of being leashed up! It is no fun being a wild wolf in urban Highland Park, tethered to Clara, the old pecan tree out back, realizing that as much as you wait in line for Angelina’s attention, you were actually never in line, because she never gives you the time of day. So La Loba ain’t fucking around anymore. These summer days belong to her and she has hung her “Don’t knock, leave a Message” sign on her front door and has turned on her answering machine.
When I am not possessed by La Loba, I am running a mile-a-minute! A member of SGI-USA, I work daily with Buddhist members to understand Buddhist philosophy, to appreciate the work of our mentor Daisaku Ikeda, and to commit their lives to working for the happiness of their family and neighbors. A mother of two, I am breastfeeding one, which means a lot of things to me: time, physical energy and commitment. My six-year old son, well, he is an illustrator, author, aerospace engineer and philosopher trapped in a 1st grader’s body and just keeping up with him, wipes me out. As for my beautiful husband, I only want to give to him, all that he gives to me and for him to be as happy as I am. And as a classroom teacher and adult committed to Dual Immersion education, I use my Buddhist practice to believe that the universe will respond to all of the communities efforts to create a humane space for children to become bilingual. And as a friend and member of the Highland Park community, I want all to know what a treasure their life is and that they’ll never get another shot at this lifetime at least, so why not go all out? As a family member, well, our family is the best place for us to do our “human revolution” (Buddhist term describing a fundamental process of inner transformation whereby we break through the shackles of our "lesser self," bound by self-concern and the ego, growing in altruism toward a "greater self" capable of caring and taking action for the sake of others--ultimately all humanity). My family, my mirror. Whatever being with my family brings up for me is absolutely material for me to take a good look at myself and find out what I can change about myself so that I am unshakably and unconditionally connected to them in love and acceptance. So how does a woman, attempting to accomplish all of this give some time to her wild self? Her nature? Her beginning and her soul?
In my case – it is setting time aside for my creative life. And today, is the first in my life that I feel like I have been very deliberate about it. So, let the wildness begin and my Loba thanks me for it…
